An Essay About Maids of Honour, Unicorns, and Pee – Guest Post By Lucy Woodhull

Hi, I’m rom com author Lucy Woodhull, and I’ve survived being a maid of honour.  I even got a pretty dress, although I never did use it a second time.  That’s a lie for the ages, that we’ll all wear our bridesmaids dresses again.  It’s right up there with only eating one potato chip, or that we’ll win the lottery if we play this time…

I was maid of honour to my bestie, and she was matron of honour to me.  It was those experiences that led me to write a scene in my new book, The Wrath of Dimple.  It’s book three in my Samantha Lytton contemporary rom-com series about a wannabe-actress turned movie star and the art thief who ruins her life in the most orgasmic way possible.

Dimple all 3 covers

Here’s a blurb for the third book in the series, The Wrath of Dimple:

Unforgettable. That’s what she’s not.

Life is perfect for Samantha Lytton, big-screen superheroine. Her acting career flourishes, the bad guys from her past are in prison, and she’s married her true love, be-dimpled ex-thief Sam. Everything is so rosy and idyllic, it’s like a freaking princess movie. Well, an R-rated one. Nothing could mar Sam and Samantha’s fairy-tale romance!

Except the moment in the emergency room when Sam, his head cracked open, turns to his beloved wife and asks, “Who the hell are you?”

He’s suffering from…Samnesia! (At least he still laughs at Samantha’s stupid puns.) How on earth did that happen? If Samantha is going to live her very own soap opera, she’d choose an evil twin over amnesia any day.

With no idea who has attacked Sam or why, Samantha is left in the depths of despair with a hunk who doesn’t remember her, a creepy film director who’s getting more threatening by the minute, and, oh yeah, the people who continue to try to murder Sam. How do you solve a mystery wrapped in a head bandage inside an empty skull? Nothing a little Norwegian fish porn and a lot of cleavage can’t fix. Hopefully.

Samantha needs every ounce of her courage to win her husband back before their enemies catch up to finish them both off. She thought their love was written in the stars, but it might just be scribbled on an Etch-A-Sketch.

As an author, I enjoy being mean to my characters for the reader’s amusement; it’s a huge perk!  So one of the things I did to Samantha in this book was have her attend her best friend’s wedding as the matron of honour right after her own wedding…that Sam, her husband, doesn’t remember.  Sam’s amnesia (or Samnesia, as it is commonly known) leads to quite a few awkward, heart-wrenching, and funny moments for poor Samantha.

She’s a trooper, though, and only sheds a few sad/sexually frustrated tears…for she has Very Important Duties ™ to perform as matron of honour for her best friend Ellen, who is marrying her fiancée Nicolette.  (“Matron of honour” duties are more fun than “wife of clueless man who doesn’t remember you” duties, FYI.)

I was a bride once upon a time, and I know what a pain in the butt a wedding is.  Fun, but a lot of work.  It’s the maid/matron’s job to make sure the bride is kept away from irritants, but close to the booze and food.  In that spirit, I present from The Wrath of Dimple:

Ellen the Bridezilla’s Rules for Samantha, Her Official Matron of Honour and Fellow Olivia Newton-John Lover:

  • Always have cheese at the ready.
  • Ditto on champagne.
  • Know the whereabouts of Wife at all times.
  • Listen to any and all dirty talk about the honeymoon, and nod encouragingly.
  • Keep Mrs Bonner, Rick, Other Rick, Leslie and Jackass YA Author Camilla away from Bride, lest boredom and/or rage cause her makeup to melt.
  • Accompany Bride to bathroom and hold up her dress when she needs to wee.
  • Tell Bride she is beautiful because it’s true, she is flawless at all times.
  • Attend to any fuckups that upset Bride.
  • Stab a bitch at Bride’s request.

 

My bestie did these things for me (although thankfully no stabbing was necessary), and I will be eternally grateful.  She held up ten pounds of dress so I could pee—that’s what a best friend does.  Well, that and give you a stuffed unicorn in the hospital when your husband has been bashed on the head and left for dead.  But I sincerely hope that you will never have to experience that for real—just in my book!

If you’d like to read more about Sam and Samantha’s adventures, you can find all three books at Totally Bound.  Thank you very much for reading, and you look smashing in that outfit today!

Love, Lucy

Lucy Woodhull:  Website Goodreads Twitter Pinterest Blog Facebook Newsletter

The Wrath of Dimple_Lucy Woodhull_blog 600x315_final

Join Lucy Woodhull on this blog tour to celebrate the release of The Wrath of Dimple and enter for your chance to win here: https://www.totallybound.com/competition/wrath-of-dimple-giveaway?utm_source=thereallynaughtycorner&utm_medium=blogtour&utm_campaign=thewrathofdimpleblogtour

Advertisements

One thought on “An Essay About Maids of Honour, Unicorns, and Pee – Guest Post By Lucy Woodhull

  1. ashleyladd says:

    Awesome post and even more awesome-sounding book.

    I loved reading your blog. Good luck with your sales.

    Ashley

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s